i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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