The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
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