The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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