There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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