i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
The feeling are messing with the penis
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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