shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
