Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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