it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
