onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
