Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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