i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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