were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
