I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
