I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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