Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
