I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
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