I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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