did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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