If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
