i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
nutella sex= disaster
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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