remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
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She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
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Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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