margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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