He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
we're making bets on your personal life
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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