I feel like abortions should bother me more
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
