Is it normal to miss your booty call?
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
operation have a gay friend backfired
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
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