He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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