is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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