i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
