After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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