At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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