I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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