im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
