went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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