The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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