Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
