would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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