I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
