im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
