if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
