I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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