bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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