Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
