God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
