I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
