Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
