Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
