I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
She swung at the pinata with crutches
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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