You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
