it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Boobs are out for the taking
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
