her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
