you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
