After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
