o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
