That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
