dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
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