she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
