i jhust puked up my retainher.
This girl is more easily done than said...
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
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