Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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