i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
