I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
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