allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize