The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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