I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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