I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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