So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
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