I faked an abortion last night.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
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Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
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High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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