my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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