Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
19 Teachers Share the Funniest Items Brought to “Show and Tell”
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
23 Concerns People Have When They’re About To Have Sex With Someone New
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
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