Texts From Last Night

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  (631): View more from New York

  If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.

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  (631): If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me. http://tfl.nu/ugtt
  Replies (8) Good night (950) Bad night (1420)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat

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  (913): Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat http://tfl.nu/os6y
  Replies (29) Good night (6892) Bad night (1427)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star

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  (202): you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star http://tfl.nu/tu9p
  Replies (11) Good night (3729) Bad night (1143)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight

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  (616): Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight http://tfl.nu/blku
  Replies (10) Good night (1871) Bad night (667)
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  (852): View more from

  come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air

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  (852): come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air http://tfl.nu/kik8
  Replies (5) Good night (780) Bad night (1993)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.

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  (406): I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation. http://tfl.nu/zwu5
  Replies (7) Good night (607) Bad night (1488)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.

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  (814): So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird. http://tfl.nu/r3xq
  Replies (3) Good night (1256) Bad night (556)
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy

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  (270): my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy http://tfl.nu/5thn
  Replies (9) Good night (2454) Bad night (562)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!

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  (406): I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before! http://tfl.nu/id35
  Replies (10) Good night (1534) Bad night (490)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip

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  (775): We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip http://tfl.nu/afxb
  Replies (0) Good night (752) Bad night (329)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.

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  (512): If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic. http://tfl.nu/ogiy
  Replies (1) Good night (490) Bad night (256)
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.

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  (240): I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me. http://tfl.nu/xr2y
  Replies (1) Good night (401) Bad night (572)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.

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  (303): I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level. http://tfl.nu/kawr
  Replies (5) Good night (852) Bad night (372)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay

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  (617): Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay http://tfl.nu/4gtm
  Replies (3) Good night (459) Bad night (447)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation

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  (419): please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation http://tfl.nu/p3yb
  Replies (6) Good night (371) Bad night (265)

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