it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.