Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
