Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
My ATM looks so different sober.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
