The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
