onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
