hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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