a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
